once upone a time a litle gril called triana, love to visit her grandma, her grandma live in a beautiful and big a house, her house has beautifuls rooms but this house has a misterious basement, the basement was thw only ugly place of this house.her grandma didn't let her enter to the bassement, the grandma's excuse was that the basement was dirty and dark to enter. but that was not the real reason.was because in the bassement there was misterious and dangerous things. but anyway trianawent the basement and founda beautifull doll, she likes to pley whith this doll. one day she went to the river and start playing with her doll and in this moment his grandmother came outand saw her playing with the doll she scolding her grandougther and ask to her why she went there in spite of the warning. after she excused for her actiun aslo to grandma why she can't gi thre was in this moment the old wome told her the doll story this doll has my spirit if someone take this or worst stealtit i can die.
when i was a litle girl i had a temible sickness i could die but my mom made a deal with a indian woman who promise for money save my life she indian sold to my mom this doll but the main condition was it has to be apart the world near to her but no body can reach if someone take the doll, the energy of my life could be extingcished,so promise me no body is going to know my story triana understand the grandmother reasm and help to her grand with the secret.
the End...
Be careful with the punctuation to make the story clearer and more organized. Capital letters and spelling make the story better.
ResponderEliminarThere is not a clear climax paragraph where the reader's attention is captured and the end of the story could be better.
Isn't clear. But you can organize more the ideas of the story
ResponderEliminarWell, your story is interesting, but it's true that you'll have to correct some grammar mistakes, and there are some words that you could use in past, because many things occurred in the past in your story.
ResponderEliminarbut in other aspects you can improve your writing.
Very good Karem!
Hello!
ResponderEliminarSome words I not understand because you write this words bad. In some parts I not understand bacause that remain unfinished, your creativity is good!
Bye!
Karem, some words are misspelled, you don't have a title, some words are followed, no paragraphs, i like that you put an image, but try to correct
ResponderEliminar